Passion and Conviction

We dedicated Carter today. I love baby dedications and for some reason always get really emotional. I know nothing is spiritualy happening with my son just because I 'dedicate' him in front of our church, but for me it is a very spiritual moment between me and the Lord.
I know that I will struggle all my life with this gripping fear that seemed to root in me the minute I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Since that thrilling, undescribably moment when I saw the second pink line I have become an expert at creating worst-case scenarios. I have not been able to watch a movie about parents and children since then without blubbering like a baby. I've said a number of times that I feel like my kids will be the undoing of me because just thinking about not being able to protect them or about what I would do if I lost one of them, makes me feel like a crazy person. I literally don't know what I'd do.
But on the other hand, I have worked in too many youth groups and dealt with too many of 'those parents' that can NOT let go of their children and let us do our jobs, they don't trust us and most importantly, they do not trust the Lord, or atleast they're not modeling it for their children.
ANYWAY... when I stand before the congregation to dedicate my children back to the Lord, God and I are having a little coversation and I am willing myself to promise surrender of them into His perfect sovereign hands. I WILL model trust in the Lord to my children. They WILL see that I BELIEVE He is in control and I will not live in fear. (By the way since my daughter's dedication at 4 mo. old - she's now 2 1/2, the Lord and I have had this conversation many more times, but I'm still determined!)
Again, ANYWAY... dedicating Carter was also a little different because at this church the parents get to share with the church one word or trait that they pray for their child. There have been some good ones over the past few months, but the one Ryan and I shared today was Passion and Conviction. I thought I'd write a little about my heart and hopes for Carter.
If you know Ryan and I, you know that Carter comes from very passionate parents. That might even be an understatement, so chances are, he is going to wind up passionate about something (Macy too). Oh, if I could possibly explain in words how my heart pleads with the ever baffling and awesome mystery of predestination vs. free will, that my children will be passionate about knowing and following their Jesus. I don't want them to do the right things and stay out of trouble, I don't want them to give the right answers and get straight A's. I want them to 'get' their God and be enthralled with His ways.
When a person is passionate about something it usually taints their whole skew and direction of life, and they typically spend a great deal of their time and life focused on pursuing that one thing. As the song goes, I pray that my children will have "one pure and holy passion, one magnificient obsession, one glorious ambition for their lives, to know and follow hard after Christ."
I especially long for this for Carter because I think this world we live in is increasingly unfriendly to men who are passionate about God. It continues to be painted more and more as a 'girly' emotional thing to be 'religious' and 'into' God. Oh the battle He will have to face to become a godly man, passionate about His Jesus.
But none the less, that is my prayer for him. My sweet boy. My heart just surges with thoughts of the young man he will become and it aches for all the trials he will go through to become that very man. What challenges lie ahead for our precious little ones... whoops, there I go...see gotta go have that whole 'trust' in the Lord conversation again!
For fun I'll leave you with my 'runner' up words that I deeply hope are produced in my little man.
Kind (oh I want him to be a kind boy- they can be so mean!):-), a leader, fear of the Lord, compassionate, joyful, submissive, confident... and so many more...in no particular order!